Why and How to “Be On Your Own Side”

Sometime last year I heard the phrase “Be on your own side” and it has really stuck with me. I love it because it’s such a simple way of encompassing a variety of ways of supporting ourselves. In any given situation, we can ask ourselves what we can do to be on our own side. It’s often as simple as changing the way we are talking to ourselves. Most of the time, being on our own side starts as an inside job.

But why is being on our own side important? And isn’t it selfish to only think about what is good for ourselves?

Let’s take that second question first and get it out of the way. Just like saying Black Lives Matter doesn’t mean that other lives don’t matter, being on our own side doesn’t mean that we can’t also think about what benefits others. It just means that we consider our interests as well. In my practice, I mainly work with women and girls, and, broadly speaking, we have been socialized to put ourselves and our needs, wants, emotions, and opinions on the back burner and prioritize making others happy and at ease. So, the idea that our interests are equally important to others’ and maybe even, at times, (gasp!) MORE important, is often kind of a radical shift in perspective.

But why is it good or important to work on shifting this perspective? As I said, being on our own side usually starts as an internal mindset shift. When we are truly on our own side, we talk to ourselves more positively, we hold ourselves in higher esteem, we accept ourselves for who we are, we even can start to love ourselves better. Those changes in our thoughts and feelings about ourselves often then translate to external behaviors whether that’s taking better care of your physical body, honoring your emotions more fully, showing up differently in relationships or at work, or finding the courage to live a bigger life, when we are on our own side, these things become more possible.

So where to start? I have 2 practices to get you started on this journey of finding ways to be on your own side.

1.     Watch your thoughts about yourself and others. If you’re anything like me and many of my clients, you can be really hard on yourself. Sometimes you say really mean things to yourself and call yourself names like lazy or stupid. You compare yourself (always unfavorably) to others who appear to have their shit together more than you. Start to catch yourself doing this, take a breath, and come back to being on your own side.

2.     Notice when your thoughts aren’t actually yours. We are constantly marinating in so many messages from our culture, our parents, our friends, and others about all kinds of things. Whether it’s about body image, productivity, relationships, values, etc. etc. etc. You can work on recognizing when this is happening. Then stop, take a breath, and think about your own values and goals, and come back to your own side.

I called these Practices for a reason. Being on your own side is not something that you figure out how to do once and then never have to think about again. The truth is that it is a process and practice that you will get better at over time, but as with so many things, we are never done working on it. The trick is to notice when you’ve wandered away and gently and lovingly bring yourself back to your side.

If this is something you want my help with, I’ve got you! I have openings for new clients anywhere in the state of Tennessee via telehealth. If you want to connect about the possibility of working together, visit the scheduling tab and book a consultation call. I’d love to talk to you!

Until next time, be on your own side!

Meghan